Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
