Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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