OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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