So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
