id be glad to
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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