PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Never let your siblings swipe right.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
