She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
