Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
When are your genitals available?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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