I'm pants shitting drunk right now
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
