Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
