i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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