Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
