her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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