my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
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