You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
