I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
