Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
