I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
