don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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