i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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