He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
