Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
