More tranny stories later!
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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