dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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