is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
