im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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