dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
