aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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