I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
