Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
