This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize