He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Still dying that you shit outside
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
