I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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