who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
she peed on how many people?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
