Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
