I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
