I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
