I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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