i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
