apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize