i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Randomize
