the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
