it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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