shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He uses pillows to masturbate.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
