she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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