what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
