I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
