i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I need water and some morals
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize