She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
