i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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