pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
