Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
