he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
