Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize