i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
