Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
They are going to name an STD after you.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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