i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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