bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
