It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Drunk is a universal language darling
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
