she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
