something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
