he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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