All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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