I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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