please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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