Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
