Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
