Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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