Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
