$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
