I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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