On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
