yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize