So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
