Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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