Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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