why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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