I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
