I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize