Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
