I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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