**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
