dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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