Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Randomize
