why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
wow bdsm is so cute
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize