Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
