I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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