how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Did I show you my penis last night?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize