I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Randomize
